These 7 Habits May Be Subtly Destroying Your Self-Esteem—And You Don't Even Know It.
Psychologists have proven that our daily actions often scream about internal problems louder than words. Check if you are doing something that reveals your insecurity. And most importantly, find out how to fix it.
The phrase “I’m sorry” has become your response to any inconvenience: you pushed a chair, asked for help, or simply took a seat in the elevator.
Research from the University of Waterloo (2019) showed that people with low self-esteem apologize 3 times more often than those who are confident. This is not politeness - it is a fear of being "superfluous".
Replace the automatic "Sorry" with "Thank you." For example: instead of "Sorry to bother you," say "Thank you for listening." This will shift the focus from guilt to gratitude.
"Do you like my dress?", "Did I do the report correctly?", "Can I get some coffee?" - if you ask permission for basic actions, you delegate the right to judge your life to others. Psychologists call this "imposter syndrome": you don't trust your own opinion.
Before you ask, "May I?", pause. Ask yourself, "How do I feel? Am I OK with this decision?" Start small - choose food at a restaurant without advice.
“I have clumsy hands,” “I’m stupid,” “I always screw up” — these phrases seem harmless, but the brain perceives them as a command. A study in the Journal of Personality (2021) confirmed that self-deprecation reduces cognitive abilities and motivation.
Turn criticism into a statement of fact. Instead of “I failed the project,” say “The result is bad now. What can I improve?” Remove the emotions — leave the analysis.
Looking at the floor or at the phone during a conversation is not modesty, but a signal: “My opinion is not important.” Neurobiologists from Harvard have found that even 2 seconds of eye contact increases the level of oxytocin (the hormone of trust) in both interlocutors.
Practice on strangers. Look into the eyes of the cashier, the courier, the passerby. No need to "drill with your gaze" - 70% of the conversation time is enough.
Perfectionism is a disguise for fear. “If I do it perfectly, I won’t be criticized.” But according to the American Psychological Association, 92% of “perfect” projects remain unfinished.
Set a deadline and a "3 mistakes" rule. Allow yourself to make three mistakes in any task. You'll be surprised, but those around you won't even notice.
"Can I borrow your day off?", "You don't mind doing the work of two, do you?" - you say "yes", although inside you are seething. Psychologists from Stanford explain: this is an attempt to "earn" good attitude, but in this way you teach people to use you.
Start with written refusals. Before you respond, write in Notes: “I can’t do this because…” Don’t send it — just read it. This will remove the block and prepare you for the real “no.”
Scrolling through your social media feed thinking, “She’s more successful/slimmer/happier” isn’t entertainment, it’s self-harm. A University of Copenhagen study (2022) found that 30 minutes a day on social media reduces self-esteem by 15%.
Turn jealousy into a question. Instead of "Why am I not her?" ask, "What is it about her life that hooks me? How can I create that in MY reality?"
Don't try to change all your habits at once - this is a failed tactic. Choose ONE item from the list and follow the algorithm:
1. Catch yourself in action (for example, saying too many “Sorry”).
2. Pause for 3 seconds.
3. Apply the "antidote" from the recommendations.
Self-esteem is a skill, not an innate gift. Every time you replace an old habit with a new one, you rewire your neural connections. After 21 days, your brain will begin to perceive confident behavior as the norm.
