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How to React to Jealousy Directed at You
04.02.2024 18:30
Every person faces manifestations of jealousy.
However, jealousy is a completely human emotion, and it is also necessary. Another thing is how to minimize it for you.
There are several reasons for jealousy, and knowing them, you can relatively safely cope with jealousy directed at you. Understanding the situation is already a step towards its solution, says psychologist Andrey Kashkarov .
Causes of the phenomenon
Like any reaction that is built into a template, jealousy grows and has roots in childhood. The child experiences resentment and mental anguish due to the contrast of events: when he or she is shown a lot of attention in one way or another (for example, gifts), and then the attention weakens.
Not finding the desired (necessary for consciousness) answer, a person tries to return the former "happiness" by any means. And "any" actions on this path are sometimes negatively perceived by others, since you believe that you also have the right to a justified position, and are not obliged to coddle the jealous woman like a teacher with a child in a kindergarten.
One of the reasons for jealousy is the logical traps of obviousness, that is, errors in assessing the situation and one’s own interests, leading an unprepared or overly impressionable “mind” along the path of cognitive distortions in thinking.
Over time and experience, a certain pattern of behavior develops, so it is difficult for such an individual to understand that he is not acting out of common sense, subjectively. For each person, his path is straight, often he does not see mistakes, and an even more difficult case arises when objective criticism is not perceived.
A difficult case – pathological jealousy (jealousy without reason) causes mental suffering and a desire to escape from it into a harmonious comfort zone.
Such a jealous person is subject to anger and uncontrollable fear, but he is not mistaken, and understands everything about his "disease". Not having in his arsenal the skills of successful volitional experience of control over his emotions and feelings - he is in a helpless state for himself.
What to do
Of course, there are many ways – widely known and, on the contrary, exclusive.
First of all (after you have understood what is happening) clarify for yourself what you want. Not him/her who is jealous of you, but what you want. This is the main and cardinal "fork" for your subsequent actions. If you need a person, there will be one way to salvation, and if not, another.
Regardless of the reasons for the phenomenon, for which there are many justifications, but they are not interesting to you, you see in the jealous person a person who constantly proves that he is worthy of you and your love.
There are nuances depending on specific character traits: a fighter and leader shows jealousy differently than an emotionally unstable person of a hysterical type, prone not only to jealousy, but also to elements of revenge.
It is important to know that a person can take revenge not only on the fact, but even for the illusion of injustice that arises in his thoughts about events and personalities. There are known cases of hidden aggression (from fear that his illusions and you will be taken away) with the result of unexpected actions for you, and deeds of a delicate nature.
No matter what different minds say, there is only one effective way out. It is necessary to give the jealous person the opportunity to realize his own unsatisfied ambitions and intentions.
Do not provoke under any circumstances. If such a jealous person is loved by you and you need him/her, you need to save him/her. Small victories need to be expanded to universal achievements. Calm down and do not make nervous. You will not be able to change anyone in adulthood.
React calmly to the "residual" manifestations of jealousy, which will be significantly less after such actions of yours (above), as if they do not exist. It is a difficult path - to tolerate the imperfection of another, but if you love, then love the person no matter what. This is an axiom.
Let the jealous woman participate more in your life, button your buttons, tie your ties, give you gifts; a typical modern person is very involved in what he himself has a hand in.
Thinking about how to save your loved one, you have a new strong motivation and inevitably come to creative solutions. For example, you need to captivate the jealous person with a new idea (not another person), namely create a "bait" for him (her), interest him (her).
Of course, you have to work hard and know your partner well – his dreams, aspirations, plans, worldview.
The main goal of distracting baits is to persuade the jealous person to choose one of two options, without any other alternatives, where the first option is you, the second is another person dear to him, for example, your common child, children.
The alternative path is simpler: if you cannot live with a jealous person, he/she does not occupy an irreplaceable position in your heart, you need to break up, calmly stating the reasons, and then act consistently, implementing the “leaving – leaving” model.
Yes, there will be several attempts on the part of the jealous person to get you and the relationship back, but gradually they will stop, and you will gain freedom from the external jealous emotions of the other.
It was previously reported how a person's destiny is formed .
