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The Art of Communication: How to Achieve Deep Understanding with Your Partner
18.05.2024 11:40
" I speak, but he doesn't hear me. I can't get through to him." Sound familiar?
When it seems that there are no common grounds left, but you still want to maintain the relationship.
What to do in such a case? How to come to an agreement and reach an understanding with a partner? Maria Makarenko , psychologist, will tell you.
To achieve understanding with a loved one, you need to go through the following steps.
Self-knowledge
You can understand your partner only through a deep awareness of yourself: your strengths and weaknesses, temperament, mental activity, and psychotype.
For example, due to childhood trauma, you are prone to neuroses or panic attacks. The first thing you need to admit to yourself is this. It is difficult to communicate with loved ones from states that distort reality. First, you need to take care of yourself, and then try to understand others.
It is also important to clearly define your goals, aspirations, and desires. For example, if you now want to develop your career, you are unlikely to understand a man who spends all day playing tanks. You simply have different goals in life. In this case, there is reason to think about whether such a relationship is right for you.
Developing emotional intelligence
What is included in the concept of "emotional intelligence"? Skill:
- recognize your emotions;
- manage your emotions;
- recognize another person's emotions;
- manage another person's emotions.
And here it is important to act according to the principle of a mask on an airplane: first put it on yourself, then on your partner.
If you can't control your emotions, then most likely: you often lose your temper, spill everything that has accumulated, get offended. These feelings do not contribute to mutual understanding with a man.
If you are unable to recognize other people's emotions, you will demand the impossible from a person who is perhaps tired, anxious, or stressed. Again, we are no longer talking about healthy dialogue. That is why it is so important to develop your emotional intelligence.
An objective look at the partner
And the last but not least skill is the ability to look at your beloved man objectively. To understand what his “cockroaches” are and whether something can be done about them.
The main request of a woman sounds like this: “How can I convey my idea to my partner so that he listens to me and does what I say?” Most often it is about income: “I want him to change jobs and earn more money, but he doesn’t go and earn money.”
But! Here it is important to change the approach and first ask yourself: "What I want from a man - is it real for him?"
For example, there are people who will never become millionaires because of their psychotype. After all, the more money, the more responsibility. And a person is not even responsible for himself, how can he occupy a high position or open his own business, where he needs to manage other people.
Understanding your partner begins with separating your expectations from reality. There are some things you want and can change. And there are others you will have to accept and move on from.
Don't demand more from others than they can give. Start with yourself, it's much more productive.
Earlier we talked about what psychologists have named habits that lead to poverty .
