A few warning signs that should make you think.
It's not just intrusive memories of your ex and the time you spent together—the signs of toxic attachment are usually much more subtle.
Recognizing them is the first step to finally healing from old relationships.
If this process does not begin, your ex-partner - even if you are separated by hundreds of kilometers and years of silence - can ruin your chances for a new, happy relationship.
He may follow you around like a shadow and constantly remind you of your supposed flaws and shortcomings that he has told you about. It is then difficult to build a healthy relationship not only with someone else but also with yourself.
You keep complaining about your ex even though you haven't been together for a long time.
Years have passed since your breakup, and you still complain to your friends about your ex. That he was hard to get out of the house, had terrible taste, was selfish, and treated you terribly.
Having such negative feelings towards your ex only means that you still harbor resentment towards him and are having a hard time coming to terms with the breakup. It means that your heart is still occupied with him to some extent.
When you mention your ex, you either get high or freeze.
Another sign that you are not completely indifferent to your ex is an emotional reaction to his name. This can take two forms: either extreme nervousness or "freezing".
What is important is that you have no control over your feelings - memories of your ex are so touching, and sometimes traumatic for you, that your body itself finds an outlet for strong emotions.
You keep things that remind you of your ex with you.
There is nothing wrong with keeping photos of your ex in an album or on a disk that you have not seen in a long time.
But if there is still a joint photo on the shelf and you look at it every day, this is a sign that he is still present in your life.
The same goes for other souvenirs or gifts from your ex: a bracelet you like to wear on your wrist, a lucky charm you always keep in your purse.
You stalk your ex online
With your heart racing, you check his social media account for photos of his potential new girlfriend. You scroll through the profiles of women he's been seen with since your breakup.
You follow his stories from an anonymous account to keep up to date with what he’s doing and where he is. Does this sound familiar? If so, it certainly means you can’t break free from your ex’s influence.
Do you want to stay in touch with your ex?
Some people say that there is no such thing as friendship with an ex, while for others it is a natural continuation of a fading relationship.
Both solutions are good, provided that both parties have the same expectations for the relationship after the breakup and put the same amount of energy into it.
But if you're the type to go out of your way and initiate contact, don't do it. There's no point in deceiving yourself that your relationship will resume when he clearly doesn't want it.
Moreover, in doing so you may deprive yourself of the chance for a new, satisfying relationship.
After all, few people like to live in a threesome and constantly feel the breath of a rival on their back. Such an arrangement will sooner or later lead to outbursts of jealousy and make it impossible to establish mutual trust.
Author: Valeria Kisternaya
