Even in the healthiest of relationships, the so-called "green-eyed monster" can rear its ugly head at any moment.
Jealousy is actually a completely normal emotion.
However, excessive jealousy can undermine trust and cause anxiety, and can potentially lead to the collapse of a good relationship.
First, you need to understand what jealousy is. It is an emotion that is usually based on fear or envy of a relationship (even a platonic one) that your partner has with someone else in their life.
This emotion can lead to thoughts and feelings of anxiety, anger, or insecurity, which are often rooted in the fear of losing your partner to that other person. Jealousy can come from anywhere:
1. The cute barista at your partner's favorite coffee shop.
2. A work colleague with whom they spend a lot of time.
3. Even with one of your friends that they get along with very well.
Negative Consequences of Jealousy. How to Stop Being Jealous
As mentioned earlier, it is normal to feel some jealousy.
However, if your partner notices that you act differently when he or she talks to other men or women, or you argue more than before, jealousy can be damaging to your relationship.
When you start questioning or accusing your partner of being romantically interested in other people, it also hurts their feelings.
Essentially, jealousy is a fear of loss that often manifests itself in low self-esteem or feelings of inadequacy when you don't measure up to others in romantic or sexual relationships.
This could be due to a fear of abandonment that dates back to childhood, or it could be due to a bad relationship you had in the past. Either way, you wake up day after day with an irrational fear of losing your partner.
If you find yourself frequently feeling jealous of a person or people in your partner's life, take a look at these five tips on how to keep jealousy under control and approach your relationship with a clear head.
Identify the problem
Do you often feel jealous? Think about your past relationships to see if jealousy is something you usually feel with other partners. Has it been influenced by past relationships, or is this something you are feeling for the first time with your current partner?
If you find yourself regularly losing your cool every time you see your partner laughing with someone of the opposite sex, you may have to face the fact that the problem lies with you.
If you are feeling jealous only in your current relationship, consider what is preventing you from trusting this partner. Either way, realize that something needs to change if you want to return to a positive relationship.
Explore your relationships from a new perspective
Imagine you are at a restaurant with your partner. The employee brings the bill and your partner pays with "Thank you, have a nice day." You then accuse them of flirting with the employee. From your perspective, this may seem true and justified.
If you find your partner attractive, you worry that others will be attracted to them too and that they might respond positively to your advances. However, try turning the tables and see how it looks from your partner's perspective: They may feel overwhelmed by the way you control their behavior.
Think about how you would feel in their place and you will realize that such behavior is much more likely to lead to a breakup, which should be enough motivation to work on yourself.
Find the true source of your jealousy
If you have managed to establish that you have a history of jealousy permeating your love life, it is time to try to discover the root of the problem. There are several theories regarding the source of jealousy.
One is the evolutionary model of limited resources: just as food was scarce, romantic partners were scarce, and so jealousy is experienced as a competitive emotion.
Another reason could be betrayal, loss, or abandonment in your past, whether in a romantic context or in your family history: if one parent cheated on the other, you may have trouble trusting your partners.
Another reason you feel jealous may be because of your attachment style, which is the main way you express yourself in a relationship.
An anxious attachment style is defined by insecurity, which of course creates much more favorable conditions for jealousy to grow. In any case, it is extremely important to identify the source of your jealous behavior in order to better counteract and protect yourself from its consequences.
Love yourself
Thoughts and feelings of jealousy are a completely natural thing, and it is how we process these feelings that determines their impact on our lives.
However, it may be more productive to sit down with yourself, acknowledge these feelings, and then begin to process them in a healthy, logical way. Are you jealous? Okay, now think about why that is.
It may be helpful to wait a while before you get a more objective, unbiased view of the situation as you try to figure things out.
Also remember that jealousy can be caused by insecurity and poor self-esteem.
Limit social media tracking
When it comes to fueling feelings of jealousy, envy, and betrayal between partners, there really is nothing better than social media.
Chances are, if you visit your partner's profile looking for evidence to support your suspicions, every like, post, photo, or friend could become an indictment.
Try to stay away from your partner's social media as much as possible. If they did something really bad, it's unlikely they would broadcast it to all their friends and family anyway.
Don't be shy about discussing these issues with your partner. All good relationships are built on communication, and through dialogue you can solve the problem and hear your partner's point of view to dispel your jealousy.
Author: Valeria Kisternaya
