“I never praise my child because I don’t want him to depend on anyone’s opinion!” – these words have begun to be heard frequently from the lips of young mothers who raise their children according to fashionable pedagogical trends.
Of course, every mother loves her child and wants him to grow up successful, ambitious, and self-confident.
But not everyone understands how to do this. And children are very different, each of them simply requires their own approach.
To praise or not to praise
Of course, not praising a child at all is an extreme. Children desperately need approval of their actions from a significant adult.
It is very important for them that mom or dad sees and sincerely appreciates what they do.
Indifference on the part of parents will cause the child to become disappointed in his own actions and, as a result, to lack confidence in his own abilities.
What does a child feel when he is not praised at all?
"I love drawing so much. I drew a picture for my mother, but she didn't like it. I guess I draw badly. I'll try to do better. But she doesn't like it again.
“Perhaps drawing is not for me, nothing works out anyway,” - this is roughly the logic by which a child who is never praised forms ideas about his own abilities.
Constant praise is the wrong approach
However, constant praise can really have a negative impact on a child, making him dependent on someone else's opinion. Praise is a great motivation, but a person only values what is difficult to achieve.
Too frequent praise is devalued, becomes something self-evident. Over time, children get used to it, stop adequately assessing their own abilities, and develop a belief in their own infallibility.
Unfortunately, once these overpraised children leave their parents' wing, they find that other people do not show them the admiration they are accustomed to.
This leads to the formation of a strong belief that the world is cruel, unfair and unable to appreciate them at their true worth.
How to find the "golden mean"?
The truth, as always, is somewhere in the middle. A child must be praised, but in moderation. Both approval and criticism should be concrete, not abstract.
For example, you shouldn't say "you're great" or "you're bad", it's better to say "you did great" or "you did badly". This will allow the child not to label themselves and others, but to focus on specific actions, and learn to evaluate them objectively.
Praise your children both when they really succeed at something and when they simply tried really hard but didn't succeed.
In the latter case, it is better to conduct a joint analysis with the child, and identify the reasons for the failure, suggest ways to overcome them next time. This will allow children to learn from their mistakes and soberly assess their own strengths. At the same time, be as sincere as possible with children, they are excellent psychologists and feel falsehood well.
Sucker Punch
In no case should you praise or criticize the baby, comparing him with other children, so as not to form in the inquisitive fidget a sense of rivalry or an inadequate assessment of his own personality in comparison with others.
Conclusion
Praise is a very effective tool for raising children and forming the desired behavior model in them. The main thing is to use this tool for the benefit of the child and remember that the best advisor in relations with children should be a loving parental heart.
Previously, it was reported what divorced women regret.
Author: Valeria Kisternaya
