Parents of the 21st century pride themselves on "not traumatizing their children with scenes of quarrels."
They smile at the table, kiss in front of the child and go off to different rooms to sort things out in secret.
Sounds ideal? No way.
Children are brilliant detectives. They notice false intonations, fake hugs and pauses in conversations. And they conclude: love is a game where you have to lie.
Surprisingly, teenagers from families where parents argued loudly and then made up are more likely to build healthy relationships. Why? They see that conflicts are part of life, not a catastrophe.
And those who grew up in an atmosphere of an “ideal marriage” suffer from impostor syndrome: “If my feelings are not as bright as my parents’, then it’s not love.” But the main danger lies elsewhere.
When mom and dad live "for the sake of the child," he subconsciously feels guilty for their misfortune. Growing up, such children are afraid of serious relationships so as not to "repeat the mistake." What to do?
Stop making your children the center of your universe. Argue in front of them (without insults!), admit your mistakes, and show them that love is a verb, not an Instagram picture.
Yes, they will be shocked at first, but this is what will teach them to be real.
Author: Valeria Kisternaya
