Do you know that feeling when you sacrifice your interests for your partner and then feel empty?
It's not love, but rather the fear of being abandoned.
The first toxic habit is constantly apologizing, even when it’s not your fault. This is a signal that you put the other person’s comfort above your own.
The second is the search for confirmation of one's importance through social networks. Checking likes, jealousy of subscribers - this is how self-doubt manifests itself.
The third habit is ignoring your desires. Agreeing to plans you don’t like or keeping silent about your needs is the path to emotional burnout.
Psychologists explain that such patterns are formed due to the fear of rejection, the roots of which often go back to childhood.
How to deal with the problem
Start keeping a “boundary journal.” Write down the moments when you acted against your wishes and analyze why it happened.
In a month, you will probably learn to notice the warning signs and be able to resist them. For example, if you agreed to go to a boring party, ask yourself: "Did I do this out of fear or out of sincere desire?"
A study in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology found that people with low self-esteem are more likely to enter into relationships with people who criticize them. This is due to an unconscious desire to confirm negative attitudes toward oneself.
They also tend to idealize their partner, considering him “better than themselves,” which leads to imbalance.
Psychologist Brené Brown writes in her book The Gifts of Imperfection: “Shame makes us believe that we are unworthy of love.”
Working on your self-esteem starts with accepting your weaknesses. For example, if you're afraid to express your opinion, start small: next time you're at a cafe, order the dish you want, not your partner.
Another method is the "mirroring technique": when your partner criticizes you, calmly respond: "Do you think I'm too slow to get ready? Yes, sometimes I am." This stops the conflict from escalating and preserves your dignity.
Author: Irina Tint
